Satire
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Helping Questies Get Lucky

How is someone like you still single? To be honest, I’m just as shocked as you are. It’s probably to be blamed on the lack of chivalry these days. When was the last time you were asked on a date? I know you can’t remember because it’s most likely never happened. Below you’ll find oh-so so perfectly crafted pick-up lines for your partner of choice, curated specifically for Quest.  

You Kant deny that it’s categorically imperative that we go out.

Like a job after Quest, you are unattainable.

You are out of this curriculum!

Controvers-tea and chill?

How big is your (Charles) Dickens?

Just like this campus bubble, I’ll never leave you.

I think you’re attractive within and without socially constructed standards of aesthetic beauty <3

Will you be my Blundstones and let me slip right in?

What is life …Without you?

You and I fit perfectly together, just like me and my three-year-old Birkenstocks  

***Be aware that without the right amount of enthusiasm and gusto these pick-up lines may come off as unoriginal, forced, or inauthentic. Use at your own risk. Poor results cannot be blamed on the writer of this article. It’s not my lines that are at fault, but your delivery of them.

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